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More On Bad Rounds
Additional ways to say I suck
by Joe THE / DiscLife.com
February 13, 2001
A few weeks ago I offered to you, fine golfer, some remarks that you could use to describe a bad golf round if anyone asked "How'd you shoot?" I asked for you to send me your comments to describe a bad round, and a bunch of you took the opportunity to reply.
Chad Beehler, from Kalamazoo, MI, pulled out what is sure to be a future pop culture staple by quoting from South Park. He responds to his bad golf rounds by calling out
"TIMMAAAAYY!" (So, Chad, what do you do for a good round? Yell "Gobbles?")
Now that's what I call a sticky situation!
Jack M. Lemmon (Texas) and Marshall Scribner went down a similar path with their responses. Jack submitted "My round was like a Hoover vacuum…it sucked!" while Marshall relied on physics for his description of "My score sucked so bad I achieved a total absolute vacuum."
Gina Massi and 'the girls' (from Shoot the Breeze DGC) sent this little ditty which they sing after a bad roller: "Rollin' rollin' rollin', Boy my feet were swollen, All my discs were stolen, I should of just gone bowling!" Hmmmm…a little off-cadence if sung to "Rawhide," but groovy nonetheless.
Matthew Ambrose has had a few too many bad golf games, if his submissions are any indication:
- "I played more disc golf than anybody else today!"
- "I put more notches on trees than Daniel Boone blazing a trail through Cumberland
Gap!"
- "I felt like I was throwing the lid off a tub of Parkay"
- "What are those things with chains hanging from them all over the course? I almost
hit one or two of them"
A Milwaukee-area favorite, according to Tim Keiffer, is to say "I was Patsy Cline-ing out there." When asked what you mean by that, begin singing "I Fall To Pieces". (I sometimes modify the Rolling Stones' "Shattered": Don'tchoo know my score keeps going up, up, up, up, up… My bag's in tatters, it's shattered… sha doobee doobee")
"A bad day of disc golf is better than waking up with a poop mustache," is how Matt "Schwillis" Gillis, from Ann Arbor, MI, keeps his bad day of golf in perspective. Of course, I'm just going to take his word for it, as I don't plan to test the theory.
And this from someone known only from their email address, KLewis: "I had no reason to keep those shots so I got rid of them."
But, it's Frank Spicer who could be up for the "Rodney Dangerfield No Respect" award with these…ahh…keepers:
- "I lost my putting and my driving went to find it"
- "I couldn't find metal with a detector"
- "There was more love at a prison riot"
- "Oh! Use the short grass in the middle. There's a novel idea"
- "Playing bad would be an improvement"
- "I used to think that I just had a bad round when I realized, no, that's just the way I
play"
I also received an email from Bob Piper (Clearwater, FL), who unknowingly boosted my ego by asking me to devote a column to explain which discs work best in different situations (wind, etc). I let Bob know that I'm the wrong person to be asking that question to…I find that my discs work best when being used like a gatefold album cover! I did, however, point out to Bob (and his golf buddies and their 'Disc Zen Breaks') that Scott Stokely will soon be answering questions put forth to him by you golfers here on DiscLife.com. So Scott, if you're reading this, let Bob's question go to the head of the line if he sends it in….sort of like a fellow DiscLife.com-mer's referral, if you will. Oh, and Scott, hopefully I'll see you here in Philly for your doubles tour thingy.
Thanks to everyone who has sent email about the column. I've replied to every one of them, and will continue to do so. If you've got something to tell me, then beam out an email. Gotta go for now, though. The Dark Overlord of this website (a.k.a. the Sinister Editor of Pain) is pressing me for more articles, and I need to get them done so I don't get fired. Wait…I can't get fired if I'm not getting paid, right?? Oooooh, but I'd better be careful because he could shut me dow...
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