I've been getting myself into some unintentional trouble on the disc golf course lately. See, I've developed a language that I use to talk to my plastic. Yes, it's true…I talk to my plastic… often. I know it doesn't listen, but it makes me feel better, and often the language is in place to help me realize what I did wrong.
It's a language that uses all acronyms. I use these acronyms because it's easier than saying everything I'd like to say to bad drives, bad discs, or certain situations that I experience on the course. For those who are unsure of what an acronym is, it's when you take a series of words, and shorten them into one word using the first letters from each word (or nearly every word) in the phrase, and form a new word. For example, the word SCUBA is an acronym for Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
But, it seems that there are some who've confused my use of the language a bit. Admittedly, I do tend to be chatty on the course, even if I'm the only one around. It's these harmless acronyms that seem to be getting me in trouble for reasons I can't figure out.
I put my own acronym system in place so that I would cut down on my chatter by using one word to fit certain, regularly occurring situations. And, I don't say it loud, so as not to be distracting to other golfers, but sometimes they may be close enough to hear me, and I guess what I'm saying is upsetting to them. Not sure why, but to prevent anyone from getting mad at me, or misunderstanding my intentions, I would like to use this article to clear up any potential future misunderstandings.
If you're ever golfing with me, and you hear me utter something that may sound bad, it's not. Here's what's actually being said, albeit in an abbreviated form. Please note: I'm not able to print the actual acronyms here in this article, so you'll be required to figure them out on your own with the provided phrases. And please don't be offended.
We've all thrown a bad shot or two in our careers. My reaction to bad shots is to mumble to myself the acronym for "A Stupid Shot," which is my commentary of the situation.
Probably the most popular phrase I use has me addressing any of my discs that wale into trees: "Stop Heading Into Trees!" I know the discs don't listen, but sometimes giving them instructions makes me feel like I'm really working on my game.
There are so many new disc styles coming out that I can't keep up. I guess I'm just a traditionalist who enjoys the older discs to these new and improved! ones that keep appearing every other day. When I try to throw this new stuff, it never fails that the disc does exactly the opposite of what I had planned, causing me to utter "Can't Understand New Technology!" Well, I can't. It's this utterance that seems to upset women the most, but I can't figure out why. All I'm doing is being critical of myself. Really.
Ever put a ton of hyzer on your throw, and still have the darn thing flip over?? It probably indicates to everyone else that it's time for a new disc because that one's beat up. Me? I'd rather proclaim to the world "But I Threw Complete Hyzer!" No one believes me based on the outcome of the throw, but it was my plan.
A weakness in my game is that I often get tired before the end of a round. Not ready-to-go-to-bed tired, just I-need-a-five-minute-rest kind of tired. When this happens, my drives get pretty sloppy, and I don't follow-through after releasing the disc, creating an even worse drive. So, I just use a little positive reinforcement to help me correct this error by saying, "Follow-Up Completely, Knucklehead." This self-taught, self-deprecating kind of instruction actually does help my game, if only just a little.
Lost discs can be a distraction and hindrance to having a good round. I'm sure to make this point known when I say "Being Lost Only Weakens My Enjoyment". It certainly doesn't destroy my enjoyment, otherwise I'd've taken up darts long ago.
Who out there has ever had problems with their putting game? I know I have. I'm normally a fairly good putter inside of my 'kill zone' (which, by the way, is my height, or 5 feet, 10 inches), and when I hit that putt you'll hear me joyfully proclaim myself the "Center-Of-Chains King!" If, however, the putt refuses to stay in the basket, I calmly remind myself to "Putt Into the Sweet Spot Or Fall Flat".
I hope this has explained to those of you who have heard me bleating out my comments that the wordage I use is based on my own little developed language. And I invite all of you to embrace this language as your own, if it helps your game. For those who think that something else is being shouted, and it offends you, I can only offer you this bit of disc golf advice: "Go Enjoy The Benefits of Each New Throw" and enjoy your round of golf.
I hope all of your golf is fun golf! Roc(k) on!
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