Dear Martha Burk,
Hi Martha. My name is Joe THE, and I'd like to propose something to you that's so radical, I expect you'll ignore it.
We've all watched your tireless drive to force Augusta National golf club, in Georgia, to admit women as members, to break the "all male" policy that has been a part of the club's history since they converted the Fruitland Nurseries site into a golf course. Despite the fact that the laws of the US allow such gender specific clubs to exist, you've decided that it's pretty important to get your name in the news by ruffling the feathers of Augusta Chairman Hootie Johnson, his all-boys clubhouse and their sponsors. Yes, we understand that Augusta National has no female members. Yes, we understand that lots of females play the course every year (they allow females to play the course, they just can't be members). Yes, we understand that by making such a stink, you're bringing lots of attention to your cause and the cause of the National Council of Women's Organizations (NCWO).
But Martha, your ruckus has many people verbally attacking you for your agenda. Why, these pundits wonder, are you making such a fuss over this? (Especially with our country's current Republican-controlled government, you and the other women of this country have far more important issues to worry about than the membership of Augusta National….expect women's rights to be stifled for years once the Elephants run their agenda). If the boys of Augusta National don't want women for members, why bother? They obviously enjoy hanging out with guys all the time, and only want to be around guys, and would prefer that they are in a grouping with other dudes, and would much rather be sitting around in the clubhouse in their after-shower towels, talking about their tough round and throwing back some ales….with other guys. So why not let the boys have their Eisenhower-tree house, unbothered by the outside world?
My proposition to you is this: instead of focusing your "Female Membership" drive at Augusta National, you should be beating down the door of the Professional Disc Golf Association to get more women involved in our sport. The reasons are plentiful, and I will touch on a few of them here.
First and foremost, unlike the men-for-members only policy of Augusta National, we in disc golf would greatly welcome more females to our game. We are not men-only in name, but the consistent 93%-male-to-7%-female membership in our sport sure implies it. Hello swordfighters! The addition of more female members would no doubt improve not only the look of our game, but also our appeal to a broader base of potential players and sponsors.
Secondly, a woman's touch is needed in this game. There is a lot of pent-up frustration in so many of our male players. They get upset about being called on rules violations (I know, stupid isn't it that people get mad when they're discovered not playing fair??), about noises they can't control while they're putting (someone tell that bird to stop chirping!), about being put in a division they don't belong in, about someone taking their disc, etc. With more women around, men would be on a better behavior, especially us single golfers (who hope to one day…soon…meet the right woman…*hint hint*…and by 'right' I mean one who will understand our passion for this game).
One area of weakness in our sport is the lack of accommodations for the women who already play. While I don't believe any tournament director (TD) goes out of their way to slight the female field, they often do this by offering poor payouts at their tournaments for women, or putting the ladies into groups made up of kids or new players (this really gets on the nerves of my friend Phil Ross…just go ahead and ask him). After all, why do the women get put with the kids? Is there some kind of stereotyping going on here? Just because they're women doesn't mean they went out to the disc golf course to baby-sit…especially if it's during a tournament!
Martha, your drive and influence to help more women discover this game would be appreciated by all of us involved in disc golf. It would also be a great boost to our credibility as an organization. It would increase the visibility of our sport, allowing us to grow into a much bigger arena of sponsors and players. And I'm sure your crusade would create more than one or two headlines for a sport that needs the exposure.
The biggest issue we'll have to overcome will be the unfair typecasting by the public of what a disc golfers are….hippies chillin' out with their latest Cheech & Chong records, swilling beer, smoking, scratching areas of their body made famous by Al Bundy, and waving the peace sign at each and every military vehicle that passes by our course. (Note: This stereotyping is completely wrong….we don't wave peace signs at military vehicles.) We'd even be open to dropping the dreaded, unwritten "if you can't reach the ladies tees on your drive you'll have to throw again with your pants down" rule. These items are surmountable on our end and would make your job easier in marketing the game of disc golf to the women of the world.
Martha, I'd like to invite you to a round of disc golf with me at my course here in Philadelphia, and feel free to bring a lady friend with you (preferably between the ages of 30-38, single, likes cats, alternative rock & singer/songwriters, artsy movies, and is free to disc golf on weekends). We'll even play from the ladies tees….I mean, the short tees. And, we won't bother telling Hootie about our little rendezvous.
Please take some time to consider my request. We could use a Martha Burk in disc golf.
Roc(k) on.
Send feedback to Joe THE.
O Martha, Where Art Thou?
